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My promise is retractable

By Arthur Webster of Ask Old Coot

It is not so long ago that divorce was seen as a greater sin than adultery. When religion meant something and weddings could only be performed in church or in the presence of a church minister, the wedding vows were seen as exactly what they were - a promise made in the eyes of God.

Many people claim that living with someone you do not love should not be enforced because of some archaic rule and out-dated sense of honour, but is this really true?

Most people of my generation (not many of us left, it seems) spent their childhood years in a society that was run by women. Men did all the work and 'posing' but women were the true powers behind the throne. Women have been given a natural ability to select a mate for themselves who will provide for them and their children. Men have been given a natural ability to convince themselves that they are the great provider and that their family is the most important thing in their life. To be brutally honest - this is not true for many men which is sometimes why they need reminding of their responsibilities.

More than that, 'my word is my bond' really meant something to the adults I met, mixed with and dealt with from the age of four. It was possible for me to have an adult say "I will do that" and know that it would be done. Often the 'doing' would be prompted by a pointed reminder from the distaff side if the statement was made by a man. This was not because the man wanted to back out of the promise but because he did not give it as high a priority as it deserved.

Many families were ruled over by parents who stuck together 'for the sake of the kids' and they did a jolly good job too.

Then along came women's lib. All of a sudden women became empowered!

What power did they gain?

They gained the power to desert their children for most of the day while they went out and diluted the job market.

They gained the power to loose the reigns that had brought up many generations of obedient and self sufficient young adults. Young adults who were secure in the knowledge that there was a parent at home to whom they could run or be reported.

They gained the power to lose control of the family unit and become nothing but a chattel in their husband's inventory.

They gained the power to give up control of the family finances and gained the power to struggle on less money than the family needed as the men decided that equality worked both ways.

They gained the power to be exploited by employers who saw an instant market place full of cheap labour.

They gained the power to make their husband feel like a reject and a failure as typical male bastions of employment fell to the supply of cheap female labour.

They gained the power to destroy families that could have survived successfully by demanding that their new-found independence gave them the right to humiliate and belittle their husband instead of drawing together with him to create a joint front to any problems that arose.

It is an awful thing to have to admit, but I do not understand how a husband and wife can set aside the vows they made to each other. Everybody knows that love evolves and changes with time. A dead wife or husband is no threat but knowing that an ex-wife or ex-husband is walking around out there and that the feelings that lead to a marriage were so totally wrong must, surely, call into question the strength of commitment and the measure of judgement involved?

While it is true that many divorced people do go on to lead happy lives, I wonder how many can't admit the fact that they acted in haste.

Maybe the marriage ceremony should carry a rider "My promise is retractable".

Contributor's Note

Please accept that I speak in general terms. There are many specific examples that can be quoted to support divorce but there are far more examples that never get quoted that decry the new found licence to marry and discard at will.

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I echo your sentiments. In fact, I wrote an article on a similar subject on Helium (how women's lib helped AND hurt)a couple of years ago. I didn't get a great reaction... but I stand by it! I do think that divorce is sometimes necessary, but it is taken far too lightly or rather, the initial vows are taken too lightly these days.

Hi, Karla,
I have met very few wome who really feel that they gained from womens' lib. Those who were going to work did any way and, because they were generally very well qualified, they earned as much as, if not more than, the men. Womens' lib introduced a raging torrent of cheap labour into the employment market and changed our society for ever.

The lack of jobs today is only partially caused by 'down-sizing' - a major contributing factor is that women are now a part of the labour market and have virtually doubled the number of job seekers. Employers have not been able to double the number of jobs - ergo - massive unemployment.

Too many of us don't even know what the meaning of love is. It's confused with lust.

I suppose failing to teach their children the difference between love & respect and lust is another power that women have gained through women's lib.

It's sad that men go out and do macho stuff, fight wars, create confrontation and stand up for their rights if their arm is strong enough but, since womens' lib, they do it for their own selfish ends. I do not think it is a coincidence that there are far more military confrontations today because some idiot country leader decides that his ego needs polishing.

The calming hand on the tiller that was provided by women is sadly missed. The Middle East is an area where women don't hold a lot of sway and the West is rapidly catching up as the lunacy escalates beyond recall with the inevitable consequence that thick-headed, macho men are off on a power trip with no concept of the possible repercussions..

When I was dating my wife he gave me the stern admonition that she was just after my money. My wife and I still laugh about that as I was unemployed at the time. That was 36 years ago and we are still happily married.

I suppose it's possible that, like me, he developed an addiction to wedding cake?

Just think how many more I could have had if divorce was turned into an annual event!

A very thought provoking intel once again, Arthur. A person is as good as their word, seems to have left our society.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes.
Frederick

That's very true, Frederick. Thinking about it, can you remember the last time somebody asked "Can you keep a secret?"?

It seems that either nobody has secrets any more or they just don't care about them being kept.

Very true points, Arthur. It seems nowadays that prenups are also the fashion, a sort of...`just in case...`

"prenup"? Isn't that where "with all my worldly goods I thee endow" is spoken with all fingers and toes crossed?

Talk about setting out to fail!

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