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It's my ball - you're not playing!

By Arthur Webster of Ask Old Coot

When I was a small boy I learned very quickly how to play the games that the big boys played. This wasn't because I only mixed with big boys, it was because I had to grow up extremely fast in order to defend my family against the sad, bad 'social' people.

From the age of 4 I was reading contracts and soon explaining concepts to my parents - at the age of 7 I was given special status to appear in a family court in defence of my parents, my family and our way of life.

At no time did I ever meet anybody who, having spoken to me, did not appreciate the fact that my vocabulary was much more comprehensive than that of others in my area nor that I was as good an advocate as any other that my family could obtain.

This early exposure to the world of adults gave me a tremendous sense of the value of words. I learned to say exactly what I meant to say - even if the listener did not have the wit to understand me (it is difficult to make allowances for some of the levels of ignorance that I have come across over the years)- because there is nothing worse than inexactitude, especially when dealing with pompous oafs in 'public' service.

It also gave me a very broad education in the unfortunate habit of far too many adults to sulk and say 'it's my ball and you aren't playing any more'. I saw many examples of petulance, not least when I had successfully defended my parents against a care order for myself and two siblings when I was 11 years old. It was a shock to one particular member of the local,establishment when I applied for and received a judgement enforcement notice to ensure that the ruling of the family court was given full effect.

It is true to say that I really did not have a childhood.

I am now making up for that!

I just love to speak to, and engage in conversation, people who are capable of understanding not only what is said but the tenor in which it is said, accepting that they do not have any more reason to think that their opinion is the only one (any more than mine is) and who can not only respond to one opinion but formulate another and defend it with all the verbal skill at their command. Far too many people I meet have brains running on tram lines - they can no longer appreciate an opposing or different view, let alone defend it if that is necessary to ensure a fully comprehensive debate or discussion, than they can fly.

There are many places where my approach is both confusing and welcomed. Confusing because I take no prisoners whether arguing for or against my own inclinations and welcomed because the last thing I will ever say is "Ooh. Luvvly!"

Now, it seems, the era of small minds and bigotry is starting to make itself felt. Although I have never knowingly insulted or attacked anybody I am finding that robust argument and exchange of ideas is simply too much for some people to cope with. Since my step-brother died on May Day morning I have been refused the courtesy of an explanation for being de-listed or black-listed in three discussions (a record!). At the rate of one a day, I should wear out my welcome at most of the groups within a matter of a few weeks.

All I can ask is - "What is it about the written word that people are so scared of?"

Arthur,
Some of us are just misunderstood. I say things on Blogs and don't add the obligatory LOL or smiley face. So then someone believes that I didn't have tongue in cheek when I wrote the post. It's difficult sometimes to put just the right tone and inflection to our voice that we are capable of with the spoken word. Even though you heard what I meant to say you didn't understand that I meant to say that I was saying it a different way entirely, so you really didn't understand what I meant to say at all but merely what you thought I said. (I'm not sure I made that completely clear, but you know what I'm saying)

Sorry for your loss and remembering you and your family in prayer. (not a smiley face)

Hi, Jim,
I understand exactly what you are saying.
What I don't understand is why someone would rather say "you can't play with my ball any more" than say "I'm not quite sure that you meant what I read into your comment".
The written word is not open to being miss-heard unless the reader is incapable of refining any inflections that may be applied because they simply do not have the comprehension capacity to question their own delivery.

It is not what you say that is important, it is what the other person is willing (or able) to hear.

Jim Odom May 3, 2010 23:11

Once someone has written the words, people think they know what was said. I think the fear is in the interpretation, Arthur. I have a very limited education and vocabulary and battle constantly for fear of misunderstanding.
I relish your comments, as they provoke discussion.
Thank you for sharing.
Best to you.
Frederick

Thanks Frederick,

I have just finished a debate here around the sentence "The big brown cat sat on the mat".

Subjects and arguments covered were
1 - the cat sat because it was too big to stand
2 - 'brown' was only a label and not the true definitive colour of the cat
3 - the cat would not really have sat on the mat, it would have reclined
4 - the mat just happened to be where the cat sat
5 - the cat would have sat, mat or no mat
6 - the cat being big and brown added nothing to the message

Maybe the arguments were futile since the initial sentence was so short but as an exercise of the mind and the exploration of imprecision in speech, it was fun.

The debate finished when the originator said "Sorry, did I say cat?"

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