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Inventions? Hah!!
By Arthur Webster of Ask Old Coot
So, there I was with this wonderful idea for a brand new family game. Really, it was a development of five a side football with aspects of la crosse and rugby built in. Then the nannies walked in. Health and Safety.
1 - I had to prove that the ball could not be propelled by hand, foot or stick so fast that it would sting or leave a red mark if it struck exposed skin.
2 - The sticks had to be made of a material that would drive the ball but not hurt flesh (a bit like a stryker saw will cut bone but not flesh).
3 - I had to ensure that the uniform of the teams included shin pads, anti-slip shoes, gum shields, protective goggles or metal mesh face masks, elbow pads and helmets that would not allow the head to be injured or the neck to be forced backwards.
4 - The goal posts had to be padded to ensure that nobody running in to them would bruise or injure themselves.
5 - I had to ensure that there was a strict rule that neither team would play into the sun.
6 - No piece of equipment was to be chewable so that pieces came adrift. Equal opportunity
1 - No team should be made up of a dissimilar number of males and females. A three member team of females could only play against another three member team of females.
2 - Goals were not to be counted. It is not acceptable that either team should claim to have won the game.
3 - Players of different builds were not allowed to play on opposing teams. Teams should be of the same numeric size with members who were of similar gender and stature.
4 - Allowance must be made by the more able team members so that all team members 'share' the possession of the ball. Peer to peer equality.
1 - No uniform is to be so expensive that any members of a team can not afford to buy it.
2 - Although the game will be between two teams, the make up of each team must be flexible so that members can switch teams at any time in the game (subject to equal opportunity rule 3).
3 - No member of any team will claim another member of the team to be a 'star' player.
4 - If any member of the team is in receipt of private coaching, the same coaching must be made available to all team members. I could go on but I was so disheartenned that I decided to forget the whole thing and allow the locals to continue in their pursuit of extreme couch potato-ism. It's a pity because the trials were great fun althgough I don't think that the local council is very pleased that they are going to have to resurface the communal football pitch with two inch thick rubber tiles to reduce injuries when people fall over.
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Contributor's Note
Ludo. anybody?
If you are not a native ENGLISH speaker (as opposed to AMERICAN) please do not suggest that I check my spellings and grammar.
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PLEASE VISIT THE CONTRIBUTOR'S WEBSITE
Ask Old Coot
An open invitation to ask questions.
www.askoldcoot.info
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Hi Arthur, Great Intel. Reminds me of being politically correct...can't call them policemen or policewomen, must call them police persons...now, in many provinces in Canada children cannot be failed at school because it might affect their self confidence...so now many go to school and socialize because the know they will pass anyway. Many are also showing up at school stoned or intoxicated...nothing can be done with them except sending them home. All the best, gilbertg
gilbert, is that the same school system that says we can have whiteboards but not blackboards, and head teachers rather than headmasters or headmistresses? Hope no one falls down the manhole - oops, meant personhole. PC has gone rather mad. Good Intel Arthur.
 | | odls Jul 13, 2010 07:02 | |
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